I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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