so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
