NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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