Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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