come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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