erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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