Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize