I cut my penus on the lid.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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