Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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