Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
