Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
