how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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