Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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