maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
