Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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