Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize