You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
