that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
