I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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