i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
