belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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