Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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