Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
