but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
