I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
