my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
