he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
