Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
