omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
