i was rollin on her like bob the builder
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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