you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
