I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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