god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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