I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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