Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
