My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
