I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
