Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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