Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
