everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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