so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
