why didn't you poke me back
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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