don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
