how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize