Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
