Sponge bath it is.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
my poor anus
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize