Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
