You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
