I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
