toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
