that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize