so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
