Your dad touched me again.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
