2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
