based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
