WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
