remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
