Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
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