We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
