There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
