A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
