i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
