i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
