I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
