Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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