Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
