Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
